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Diamonds - Soul Mate or Cell Mate? (Picking
Mr. or Ms. Right)
Subheadline
Mrs.
Right:
She looks like an
angel, she walks like an angel, she talks like an angel. But she’s
a devil in disguise! Oh yes, she is a devil in disguise! If these
words sound familiar, they’re from an old Elvis Presley song
but they still ring true today. How can a fella know when he’s
got a catch or needs to throw her back? Sometimes it’s difficult
to tell but the rejects will always tip their hand before the dealing
is done. Let me share a few of my favorite stories when some women
dropped their guard to reveal their true intentions.
Story
I: Woody Allen & The Playboy Bunny
“Mr. Cuellar,
your next client is here. Shall I bring them back?” Asked Lesa,
my assistant.
“Bring away,”
I replied as I quickly made an attempt to clean up my always messy
desk.
When I looked up
I saw one of the most striking, intriguing couples I had ever seen.
She was bombshell, Marilyn Monroe type, hour glass figure, tight
black leather pants and a purple tube top that defied gravity.
He, on the other
hand, ten years her senior, 5’6”, comb over, “Woody
Allen” glasses, 98 pounds dripping wet, short sleeve baby-blue
shirt, pocket protector and charcoal gray shiny polyester pants
hiked up so high, they were looking for a flood. She was attached
to his arm like an extra appendage and kept repeating, “Oh
baby, Oh baby, I love you, I love you so much.”
As I asked them
to be seated, I couldn’t get over wondering what was this guy’s
secret. Genius? Wealthy? Lover extraordinaire? Who cares! This looked
like the real thing. She hung on his every word and laughed at every
corny joke. I was impressed. Love is blind! It conquers all boundaries.
Good for Woody! Good for all men who aren’t tall enough, buff
enough, or handsome enough! This was victory for geeks and freaks
everywhere.
Until...“Mr.
Cuellar,” he said.
“Call me Fred.”
“Can you point
me the restroom?”
“Sure, go out
of my office and take your second left.”
“I’ll
be right back honey!”
“Hurry back
love muffin, I’ll be here,” she replied.
As I returned to
my seat from letting my new hero out, Marilyn’s demeanor changed
instantly. “So how long you been in this diamond biz?”
“Most of my
life,” I replied.
“Must be raking
it in huh?”
“I do okay,”
I replied.
“Look I can
break free from the dufous in a heartbeat. Let’s hook up.”
“What? You’re
here getting an engagement ring. What the hell are you talking about?”
“Ah, I’m
just here getting the ring, then I’m splittin!”
“Mr. Cuellar,
can I let your client back in?” Lesa rung in on the intercom.
Within seconds the couple was reunited and so did the game. “Oh
baby, youz was gone so long, you know better than to leave honey
bunny so long,” as she gave me a wink and a smile.
Summary:
How your woman acts
when she’s not around you is probably more important than how
she does when she’s with you. Always look at both sides of
the coin.
Story
II: Big Rock or I Walk
Having just finished
lunch, my next clients were already seated in my office waiting
for me when I joined them.
“Hi guys, how’s
everything going? I’m Fred Cuellar.”
“I’m
looking for a 3ct round VVS-1, D diamond and not a bit less,”
she snapped back.
“Well,”
I said, “The lady knows her diamonds! How does that sound to
you sir?”
“It doesn’t
make a difference to him, he’s just here to write the check!”
“Sounds like
the rough part,” I replied.
He smiled, she didn’t.
“Well, I guess
we better get down to it, let’s pull out some diamonds.”
I reached in my drawer, pulled out a lovely 2ct diamond, placed
it in a mounting and handed it over. “Here you go a beautiful
3ct VVS-1, D round diamond just like the lady ordered!”
She smiled, it would
be her last. “You see, now that’s a rock, that’s
what I’m talking about!” she said.
“Really,”
I replied. “Do you think you could be happy with that?”
“Oh, yes,”
she replied, “It fits my hand like a glove.”
“Well that’s
wonderful because you’ll be glad to know it’s really a
2ct not a 3ct and that should save you over $10,000!”
He smiled, she didn’t.
“What!”
she bellowed, “You said it was a 3ct!”
“I lied, just
wanted to see if you could tell the difference and since you can’t,
might as well save the money.”
“Look, I don’t
know what your up to, but either I get a 3ct or I walk.”
Summary:
It was probably
wrong of me to stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Maybe
I should have pulled out a 3ct from the get go and let this couple
be on their way. But she angered me. I knew going in this wasn’t
a man of great wealth having talked to him previously on the phone.
He was 39, never married before and was going to have to get a loan
to purchase the ring. So when she started spouting demands, I guess
I lost my cool. What’s the lesson here? Love doesn’t come
with a price tag.
Story
III: A Class Act
“Miss Ward
is on the phone,” chimed Lesa.
“Any idea who
she is?” I asked.
“Says her fiancé
bought a diamond from you and would like to talk to you.”
“Put her through.”
“Fred Cuellar
here!”
“Hi, Mr. Cuellar,
I, I...don’t know where to start,” and she began to cry.
“Calm down,
calm down, whatever the problem is, I’m sure we can fix it.
Just start at the beginning.”
“Well, you
see, last night my boyfriend proposed to me, it was so wonderful.
Dinner, dancing and your beautiful ring!”
“Sounds pretty
good so far, what’s the problem?” I said.
“He can’t
afford it, I know he can’t. He’s between jobs and he just
went over board.”
“Well,”
I said, “Have you told this to him?”
“Oh no, he’s
so proud of my diamond, how he researched it, shopped around, it
would just crush him!”
“Well what
can I do?”
“I’d like
to give you some money, then have you call him and tell him you
over charged him and need to return some of his money.”
“You see,”
she said, “he has a job interview coming up and he needs a
new suit. With the money he gets back, he can get the suit and hopefully
get the job. The diamond is pretty, but I have to take care of my
man.”
Summary:
The good ones always
pick you up when you fall, the great ones don’t let you fall
at all.
Mr.
Right:
Tall dark and handsome?
Knight in shining armor? Or a dude like a spud? Ladies now it’s
your turn. For every woman playing games, there are probably ten
men who have mastered the art of deception. Here are my stories.
Story
I: The List
One late Friday
afternoon, I sat down with a man I affectionately call the “List
taker.” Not really very different than most anal retentive
men you’d ever meet with the exception that this man had gone
too far. His life had become a list; a list of pros and cons, checks
and balances, pluses and minuses. Every action, a carefully scripted
response to a plan that must have been meticulously thought out
over and over.
“Mr. Cuellar,
it appears it’s time for me to get married, so I’m going
to need a diamond.”
“Congratulations,
who’s the lucky lady?”
“Don't have
one,” he replied, “But I will.”
“Wait a minute,
don't you have this backwards, first you find the girl, then you
get the diamond?”
“Nope, the
girl will be the easy part. Plenty of women looking to be a homemaker.
But to get her, I’m going to need a diamond.”
“Do you mind
if I ask you a question?”
“Shoot!”
he said.
“Where does
love fall into all of this?”
“Haven’t
you heard?” he replied.
“What?”
I said.
“Only fools
fall in love, marriage is a partnership, a legal agreement to share
responsibilities. You know two heads are better than one. Love is
nothing more than a fancy word for convenience.”
Summary:
Don’t want
to be lonely? Get a pet. Need a homemaker? Hire a maid. Love is
not convenience. Love is magic.
Story
II: What She Won’t Know, Won’t Hurt Her
“Good morning,
what can I do for you two today?”
“Well, my name
is Max and this is my fiancé.”
We’re getting
married at the end of the year and whatever kind of diamond my lady
wants, she gets.”
“What size
would you like to start with?” I asked.
“We want a
big one because the best deserves the best. Let’s try 5cts.”
“Oh honey!,
she exclaimed, “I don’t need a big diamond, in fact any
size will do.”
“Nope,”
he said again, “The best deserves the best, price is no object!”
Within 30 minutes,
they had chosen a lovely 6ct platinum and diamond ring for $82,000.
He pulled out his platinum American express card for the deposit
and they were on their way. I don’t think I had ever seen a
smile as wide as hers when she left. Then came the phone call. It
was about an hour later.
“Fred?”
“Yes?”
“This is Max.”
“Oh, hi Max,
any questions that need answering that I didn’t cover?”
“Nope, just
one adjustment.”
“What’s
that,” I said.
“Please exchange
the diamonds out for cubic zirconias. What she won’t know,
won’t hurt her.”
Summary:
Not everything we
see we should believe and not everything we believe can be seen.
Trust everyone but cut the deck.
Story
III: The Shoe Box
Mr. Schwartz stood
all of 5 feet 4 inches tall. By the age of 64, he had been married
42 years, had two daughters and four grand children. He had been
an industrial engineer (garbage collector) since he dropped out
of high school to marry his childhood sweetheart that would soon
be having their first child. I still remember the first day I met
him. I commented on his “Members Only” jacket that had
been all the rage in the 70’s.
“Oh, this old
thing, you’d be surprised what people throw away. Sylvia, that’s
my wife, just sewed up a torn pocket and bada bing, bada boom, good
as new.”
The second thing
that I noticed was an old tan shoe box under his arm. When he laid
it down on my desk, I saw scribbled in pencil on the top were the
words “rainbows end.”
“You’re
wondering what’s inside aren’t ya son?”
“Maybe a little
bit,” I replied.
“Well let me
tell you, it’s the vacation we never took, the fancy meals
we passed up and a lifetime of bottles and cans that these two hands
drug home. That there is the 1ct diamond ring I told her she would
get someday.”
“Go ahead count
it up and be quick about it, my wife’s waited long enough for
her diamond rainbow.”
A new 1ct good quality
diamond those days was going for over $6,000. This box must be filled
with thousands, more than enough for Sylvia’s dream diamond.
As I started counting the cash there were more $10’s than $20’s
and more $1’s than $5’s. And at the end of my count there
was exactly $2,231.55. He was short, there would be no 1ct diamond,
not with what was in the box. Maybe in the late 1950’s this
would be more than enough for the diamond of their dreams, but not
in today’s market. The best they could get would be a 1/2ct.
“Well son,
do I have enough? When can I pick up my 1ct diamond ring?”
“Let’s
see, $2,231.55, that will just cover it, you can pick up the ring
tomorrow.”
Summary:
A good man keeps
his promises even if it takes a lifetime and if you’re ever
in the position to save a dream do it.
NOTE:
All
the stories in this article are true with the exception of name
changes.
by Fred Cuellar,
author of the best-selling book "How to Buy a Diamond." More questions?
Ask the Diamond Guy®
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