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For Men Only
“Trade Up Syndrome”
Is it possible that there is one single question
you could ask a newly engaged woman that could predict the success
of their upcoming marriage? Read on….
In 1988, 200 newlywed brides were carefully selected to participate
in a clinical study. To participate they had to have never been
married and received a newly purchased engagement ring during their
prenuptials. There were 68 participants ages 19-29, 66 participants
age 30-39 and 66 participants ages 40-49. In each age group there
were approximately the same numbers of Whites, African-Americans,
Asian-Pacific Islanders and Hispanics. Each group also was purposely
compiled having the same number of people with certain educational
attainments. (Less than high school, high school graduate, some
college, bachelors degree and more).
The participants were all asked the following question:
"IF GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A BIGGER,
BETTER QUALITY ENGAGEMENT RING, WOULD YOU TAKE THE RING IF IT MEANT
YOU HAD TO GIVE UP (TRADE IN) YOUR EXISTING RING?"
Fifty four percent of the women replied no and
46% replied yes. After the question was asked and answered they
were purposely misinformed that the reasoning behind the question
was to help men in choosing the perfect engagement ring. They were
told that men would be advised that if they believed their "fiancé
to be" was in the 54% group then they should opt for a larger
diamond (something she could grow into) since she was going to be
wearing it for the rest of their life. The men who believed their
new bride would opt to "trade up" should buy smaller since
this wasn’t the "forever" diamond, but a stand-in
until the permanent replacement or replacements would follow down
the line. The participants were asked to keep in touch if they were
going to move because the interviewers wanted to see if their attitudes
changed as the years went on. Anyone who disagreed with the ground
rules was replaced with a like person. It was agreed that all the
participants’ names and information would be kept confidential.
Unbeknown to the participants, the study was not designed to study
behavioral patterns in size preferences, but to track marital success
rates. Interestingly enough, no correlation could be found on the
way the question was answered due to any particular age, ethnicity
or educational background. Just as many in each group was on either
side of the fence on the question. Those in the 54% group had the
same mantra, "No one’s taking my diamond! This diamond
is priceless! I don’t care if you got a 10ct diamond in your
hand to give me, it can’t replace the sentimental attachment
this diamond has to me. I know it’s not perfect or the biggest
rock on the block but its mine. My symbol! My love! My eternal love!
I can tell you to the last detail everything about the day I received
it. What my man said, where we were, what song was on the radio
and the first person we told. Nope, I’m sorry if the deal that’s
on the table is I only get the new one by giving up old faithful
you can forget about it. Now if you’re saying I can keep my
old diamond and introduce it to a new friend well, now, maybe we
can talk. My diamond has said to me a couple of times it gets lonely."
The 46 % group was pretty adamant on their side too! "Are you
kidding?! Where’s the recycle bin?! If bigger and better comes
along, you take it! Look, you don’t keep the first house you
ever get. If I want a memory, I’ll take a picture! Where’s
my new ring?"
Predictions
Not being a clinical psychiatrist myself I was curious what predictions
a top, board-certified psychiatrist might have as to which group
(the 54% romantics, the 46% materialistics) would have a better
chance at happily ever after wedded bliss. Dr. Frank Montalvo M.D.
Ph.D. predicted that after 15 years the materialistic group would
be pummeled with divorce. Prediction: 15-18% would still be around
to celebrate another anniversary and 82-85% would have already been
through divorce court.
Prediction: The romantic group would stave off divorce
far better. His prediction was that approximately 80% would still
be together with 20% having left for greener pastures.
Results
Five Year Mark
At the five year mark it appears that the doctor is barking up the
wrong tree. The romantic group has suffered approximately a 10%
divorce rate and the materialistic group a 9.8% divorce rate. At
this point there appears to be no discernible differences between
the groups. The materialistic group is not on course to do any better
or worse based on their numbers.
Ten Year Mark
By the ten year mark something unexpected happened. The romantics’
divorce rate had slowed down and the materialistics had raced forward.
Fifty-two percent of those that would trade in were now divorced
and 16% of the romantics, were divorced. While there had been a
60% increase of the romantics to divorce the materialistics numbers
had increased five fold!
Fifteen Year Mark
When the final numbers came in I was dumfounded, and in awe of Doctor
Montalvo’s remarkable, almost psychic ability to nail his predictions.
Eighty one percent of the group that said they would gladly upgrade
were now divorced while their apparently overly romantic counterparts
enjoyed a 78% martial success rate! The only question that I had
now was why? "The answer is quite simple," said Dr. Frank
Montalvo. "There are a great many of us, to put it bluntly
that don’t like ourselves. They use the trappings of success
as a cloak to disguise this disdain that they have to try to make
themselves feel better. Selfishness is another reason. People that
are always asking what’s in it for me with little regard for
others, tend to make a poor mate."
Finally, we have found that if a person is hard-wired to up-grade
their ring for a bigger and better one; their car for a bigger and
better one; their house for a bigger and better one; it is not too
much of a reach to see that if a bigger or better mate comes along
they won’t think twice about trading him or her in either!
Final Thoughts
Interestingly, as the years went by each of the participants were
asked if they would reconsider their original decision. By the 15th
year 79.1% of the romantics who said they would never consider trading
in their original diamond had actually now reconsidered. While their
emotional attachment towards their original rock was still quite
high, they felt that it no longer represented who they were now.
Many of them opted for new mountings (platinum settings) and others
traded in the whole thing. (Half of the 79.1% kept and retired their
old ring to be passed down to the next generation while the other
half waved it goodbye.)
It appeared there was not an actual connection between trading in
or upgrading the original ring. It was the initial belief that they
could see themselves easily trading in the ring from the beginning
that turned out to be the fly in the ointment. In other words, it
signaled a lack of commitment.
The final head scratcher I pondered is, of the 22% of the original
romantics that ended up in divorce, 97.4% never wavered on their
original answer. Is it possible that a bride or groom that was unwilling
to change their attitudes ended up stagnating in their relationship
because they tried to hold on so desperately to that original love
without allowing it to grow and mature? I don’t have all the
answers. But what I can tell you is this. In the end those that
anticipated a change and those that refused to change ended up in
the same place. Back where they started.
by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
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