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For Women Only
Snuggler’s Blues
I'll be the first one to admit my wife has Snuggler’s
Blues. Snuggler’s Blues is when a snuggler marries a non-snuggler
and feels deprived. You see, there are a lot of us men that are
two pillow men. When we go to sleep at night, we have one pillow
to hold and one for under the head. Snugglers want us to nix the
snuggle pillow and snuggle them. Here are the males’ problems:
The dead arm: When we enter into an official snuggle
(spooning) inevitably a man's arm gets pinned under his mate’s
body where it quickly falls asleep, becomes numb and goes into shock.
The inferno: A man is generally carrying around
a few extra pounds of insulation and when his body comes into contact
with another body, he heats up. Look, bears go into hibernation
because they’re cold which then allows them to get a good night’s
sleep. Heat up a bear and he won’t be able to sleep. A man
is no different. Some of the biggest fights my wife and I have are
over what temperature to keep the thermostat in the house.
Incapacitation: Men need to alter between three
positions during a good night’s sleep (side to side, belly
flop and flat on the back). If a snuggler ambushes a non-snuggler
during one of these positions, he feels trapped. Trapped in a position
that any moment he may decide needs to be changed and he will find
himself unable to escape. Trapped position equals no sleep.
Now it may appear to the average observer that
being a non-snuggler myself, I’m trying to defend my position
(no pun intended) and you’d be right. But I am not unsympathetic
to the snuggler who equates snuggling with intimacy and non-snuggling
with being a jerk. Look, us non-snugglers are just trying to get
a good night’s sleep. Obviously there needs to be a compromise
so I think I’ve concocted a plan. Fifteen to thirty minutes
of snuggle time prior to lights out, then break to separate corners
or possibly set your clock thirty minutes early in the morning and
snuggle then.
I want to live in a world where snugglers and
non-snugglers can come together as one and live as happy people.
I want to live in a world where a man is not judged by the color
of his skin. Oh, wait a minute; I'm getting carried away. How do
you solve Snuggler’s Blues? Compromise.
by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
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