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Life Articles
The 5 Year Plan
The first time I’d ever heard someone say
they were on a five-year plan was more than 20 years ago when I
took a course by Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence
People." The five-year plan was part of a goal oriented system
where your life proceeds out of your intentions for it, i.e. you
can’t get where you’re going if you don’t know where
you’re going. The system laid out a very comprehensive plan
for setting daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. Goals were
either short term or long term. Some one who was on a five-year
plan had goals that stretched from one day to five years. As I grew
older I would take other courses like "The One Minute Manager"
and "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive,"
but none of them would use the expression five-year plan. So it
came as quite a surprise last summer when I heard the term again.
Sandy and Jeff looked like your typical well-off
couple in love. Jeff 6’1," 185 lbs, rugged good looks,
white button down polo shirt, "Lucky" brand jeans and
a class ring from M.I.T. Sandy looked straight from a sorority:
silky straight blond hair parted in the middle, blue eyes, 5’6,"
115 lbs wearing a powder blue sundress with Manolo Blahnik sandals.
"Nice to meet you," I said as they walked
back to my office. "I’m Jeff Williams, this is my fiancée
Sandy. It’s an honor to meet you, we loved your book, you’re
our hero." (Okay, maybe they didn’t say "hero"
but they did like my book and it’s my story.)
"Come on back, how can I help you?",
I responded.
"Sandy and I are looking for a 1ct diamond,
I mean shy 1ct."
"Oh you did read my book?"
"Every page," remarked Jeff.
Sandy followed with, "My goodness, he’s
been reading it every night, highlighting and ear-marking pages."
"That’s great Jeff, I’m glad you
liked it."
"It’s been a big help. Anyway we’re
looking for a shy 1ct round, SI-1 to VS-2, H to I color. We aren’t
going too crazy cause we’re on the five-year plan."
I nodded to Jeff’s statement about a five-year
plan like I knew what he was talking about and proceeded with helping
them find the perfect diamond. I had actually forgotten I heard
the expression until the next week when another bright, young couple
told me they were on the five-year plan followed by another, then
another, then another. By the fifth couple (I knew it was none of
my business) I couldn’t keep my curiosity to my self. I had
to ask, "What in God’s name is the five-year plan?"
Mary Jo Maufet, better half to Michael McKinney,
filled me in. "Mr. Cuellar, the five-year plan is a realistic
agreement a lot of young couples are making these days. For starters,
we are aware that the divorce rate in this country is very high
and worse than that, more and more children are being raised by
one parent families due to divorce. Couples on the five-year plan
realize this and don’t set unrealistic expectations about marriage
like forever and ever, soul mates, a family. Five-year planners
agree to abstain from having children till the five-year review.
During that time the couple is allowed to live together as adults,
as a couple and see if the union is a good one or not.
"At the five-year review if either person’s
expectations aren’t met, the marriage will be dissolved. Both
parties leave with the agreed assets set forth at the beginning
of the marriage. No hard feelings, part as friends. No children
forced to suffer through the pains of divorce, no trail separations,
guidance counselors or shocked mates trapped in a loveless marriage
but a relationship with a built-in ejection seat. Both parties are
aware of the ejection seat and encouraged to use it if the marriage
turns out to be one of life’s lessons better off forgotten."
She ended her explanation with a smile and a question, "Makes
sense don’t you think?"
I gave an auto pilot answer of, "What ever
works for you," and changed subjects. Over the next few weeks
I couldn’t help but keep thinking about this five-year plan.
My first reaction was it was nuts. But was I just old fashioned?
Could it be possible that maybe these couples had something? I tried
very hard to keep an open mind. To look at it from every angle.
The angles that Mary Jo had set forth. My left brain (my logical
side) almost could buy the argument but my right brain was more
steadfast at the lunacy of the proposition.
It seemed to me marriage is tough enough when
you go into it with both eyes open and only when you were confident
enough to walk down the aisle and say your vows. To most people
these vows are sacred, a declaration not only to you and all your
family but before the eyes of God. Words like, "forsaking all
others, forever and ever till death do us part" can’t
be taken lightly. What is someone supposed to say who is on a five-year
plan? "I promise to love, honor and cherish till the five year
check up?" It doesn’t have the same ring to it.
If we have almost a 51% divorce rate for marriages
we believe are sure to work out, what will be our divorce rate be
if this idea catches on? If everyone gets hitched who just has a
crush on each other or has nothing else better to do, what chances
do these relationships have? The five-year planners say they are
visionaries, realists, pragmatic. Maybe they are. Or maybe they’re
just scared. Scared to totally open up their heart, to fully trust
themselves as well as the one they’re planning to marry. I
realize that love is easy and relationships are hard but if we go
into every relationship checking for the exit door I don’t
think we can ever be totally open. Why would we? It’s hard
enough for most people to look in the mirror each morning and like
the reflection they see much less believe someone else will like
the real them. No one likes rejection. It’s my opinion these
ejection seats are just installed as a protective barrier to cushion
the blow of a break up and permission to not give 100% during the
marriage. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe marriage should be looked
at as a business contract with escape clauses and golden parachutes
but I hope not.
At the end of this discussion I am left with one
question I’d like to ask the five-year planners; If you think
you may not want to be together five years from now why not wait
to get married till you’re sure?
by Fred Cuellar the Diamond Guy®
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